Howdy,

recently i've been thinking a lot about opportunity. about the opportunities that i've been given but more specifically about the opportunities i've missed/ haven't taken advantage of. about opportunities, i wasn't given.

People usually talk to me about how i haven't been taking advantage of the opportunites that i've been given. this is something that often times my parents point out. they tell me about how in their days they didn't have the opportunities that they given me and now that they are able to give me opportunities, they are dissapointed that im not taking advantages of oppotunites.

i think that they do this in good faith but to me, it feel drowning.

they often ask me that i can do anthyting i want in life now, like being an engineer, a pilot, software developer, etc. there's a catch tho. anything that isnt a big, high-up, 100K+ a year, to them is like a failed opportunity that i had.

they expect me to have the drive and willpower to purse a careers that quite frankly don't interest me.

my ONLY goal in life is to be happy which right now, im not. and pursuing a some CEO position, at least right now, sound like it will make me miserable.

i know that they will support me on the carreer path that i choose but when they keep comparing my choises to being a nobody, it feels disingenuous when they tell me that they will support my choises.

i feel like the fact that i've have been given so much opportunity, has cornered me into having goals be made for me, goals of success and notoriety, goals that i know will make me feel miserable.

often times, it feels like they care more about about my financial success than my happiness success and it makes me feel like i dont really have people who truly believe in me and my choises except myself which kinda sucks

i feel like when older people see the new generation not take advantage of the opportunities they been given, they get a bit sour, and sometimes they lash out their anger and regrets they've had in their life onto younger people.

when i was growing up, i wanted to kill myself for not being straight bc i felt like it wasnt socially acceptable and now, kids have the opportunity of joining LGBT school clubs which is something i wish i had. i see some LGBT kids not really show interests in that tho, which does hurt a little but bc i wish i had that opportunity growing up but I'm happy that they have the OPPORTUNITY to reject that because it means that the world is getting better at least in some places

i feel a lot of pressure to be successful and to be honest, it's something that is affecting my mental health bc it seem that i have to give up my happiness to achieve a goal that doesn't even interest me nor was set by me,which is why my coping mechanism is to not care about others opinion of me since right now, im the only that supports me and as such the only one's who opinion should matter.

my goal is to make a living out of making stuff, writing , crafts, coding, videos, etc ANYthign & MANYthings. i dont feel the need to travel the world or buy luxury goods, as long as i could make a living out of the stuff i make, i'll be happy

i just want to be happy